hope?

have you ever sworn off something, that it will never happen again? then it happens again, so you set your resolve that this was the last time?
thats me i fall in and out of sin each time vowing next time will be different or at least hoping it will be but figuring it will probably be about the same. i wonder what keeps me going when i could just accept the seeming truth about who i am and what struggles i have i could resign myself to the fact that nothing will ever change and i will be stuck to deal with this, because it is the unjumpable hurdle in my life. i am sitting here in that spot right now mad at myself, hating the fact that i cant seem to shake my addictions. what do i do? i've been here many times. i realize i have 2 choices: despair or hope. it isnt uncommon for me to despair however no matter how deep the despair i always seem to migrate to hope. i cant explain it i just know (hope) that god's promises are real and that he has freedom for me not only freedom in the literal sense but freedom in the fact that it is for freedom that jesus set me free. there is no condemnation for those who are in christ jesus. i have told myself those verses a thousand times and i only partially believe them even though i totally want to believe its only 50% most of the time. jesus i need hope
you promise that hope does not dissapoint us so i will keep hoping........

grumpy

sometimes i realize i am grumpy and i dont know what to do about it
tonite i am grumpy, one could call it angry, nothing has really happened
to put me out of sorts i just am... or did something happen?
when my 1 1/2 yr old doesnt get something he wants he screams and throw
a fit until he gets it or till i send him to his room till he looses the attitude
i am realizing i am not much different than a 1 year old in this regard
my flesh is crying out for satisfaction of some sort and if it doesnt get it
the supernatural leaks over into the emotional and i am angry
it seems there is nothing i can do about it i just have to deal until it goes away
if only the enemy inside would die, but i keep feeding it

"Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit." Galatians 5

Starving

the other day i had the realization that i was starving.
i didnt notice it for a long time because i was so stuffed.
yep thats what i meant to say.
i realized that i fill myself so full of food, and work, and
family, and internet and TV, and lists and whatever else
i can think of to try to cram into my "stomach" that i dont
notice that i am still extremely hungry.
Jesus says that we dont live by bread alone and i wonder
if this is what he was talking about, that maybe my hunger
is for something less phsyical and more spiritual. maybe it
is something that only he can satisfy. i assume that is true
but it doesnt make it any easier to adhere to that belief
i will continue to be hungry and continue to stuff myself
with things that keep me from the good food until i choose to
believe jesus when he told his friends that he had food they
didnt know about.
"God increase my hunger for you, may my hunger for you
grow to be more that the hunger of my flesh"

"blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness for they will be filled"-Jesus
dh