Dirty

sometimes i feel like i can't get clean.  not that there is too much mud or a stain that wont wash off my hands its just me. that if i were to be able to get clean then this stain would come and dump its residue all over me and leave me dirty again until time wears it off.  god says though my sins were as scarlet they will be washed whiter than snow.  its hard to believe when you feel dirty and cant seem to get clean.  problem is i dont believe that he would actually wash me off, again, for the thousandth time.  so then that leaves me feeling dirty, unable to be cleaned and without much hope for becoming clean or even less likely, staying clean.  what is this potion called jesus' blood that would clean me forever.  I cant believe it, but i must, but it is so utterly disgusting to me. and yet i must have it. even still can it be true?  please be true, and if so why dont i believe it much less feel it.  Jesus I need your truth to fill me that "there is now no condemnation for those who are in christ jesus.  but god, me? really, me? how can it be true, me? ME?

help me believe jesus, help me know you are true help me believe i am clean

cleanse me and i will be clean wash me and i will be whiter than snow.